Police and Fire Blotter archive 2

Black, White and Red (all over)

The official police and fire blotter of Bay City

April 1, (throughout the day), Dennis – The fire department was inundated with calls about fires spreading throughout the city, Dennis was reported to have vanished completely for over an hour, and there were widespread reports of shark sightings. All in all, a successful Ever’s Day celebration.

April 1, 8:00 pm, Dennis – Several participants from the Bay City Squares game show were taken into custody for violating open container laws following the game. ADudeNamed “the middle square” Anthony was overheard protesting as he was escorted to the police car, “But I poured my root beer into a square glass….and now I just have beer!”

April 4, 1:34 pm, Weston – Residents report seeing several pairs of trolleys “merging” along Rte. 66, and hearing Cole Porter tunes coming from the inside the vehicles. It must be spring.

April 8, 6:50 am, Hau Koda – Police respond to reports that a young girl had been seen climbing into a plane in what appeared to be a pilot’s uniform. Officers quickly arrive at the scene, only to spot receding taillights in the sky.

April 8, 7:33 pm, Harwich – An isolated particle storm is spotted in the waters off Harwich.

April 14, 3:07 am, Dennis – Officers respond to reports of a large cat stealing donuts from Donut Head.

April 15, 5:06 pm, Imaginario – Complaints are filed about an excessive number of new Bay City phone books being delivered to “You Know, For Kids”, blocking sidewalk access in front of the store. The owner told the responding officers that they were needed for “boosting”, but was advised to remove them from the public right of way.

April 17, 11:22 pm, Mashpee – A young female suspect wearing black and white stripes is taken into custody for the unspeakable crime of a drive-by miming at The Pen.

April 25, 9:50 am, Weston – Several Fun Fair attendees called in reports of a golden robot walking through the Fair with a mole, and complained that the mole kept looking around suspiciously, shouting at random moments, “This is not the droid you’re looking for!”

April 27, 3:02 am, Sandwich – Officers respond to yet another explosion at toxic taco. Patrons were heard commenting that “Spicy Bean Chalupa Monday” may not be the best idea for a promotion.

April 30, 7:12 pm, Harwich Canal Basin – Several complaints were received about the presence of squid in the canal.  

May 1, 8:29 pm, Sandwich – A thief was spotted running out of Club Sandwich with a suitcase full of cash. Anyone recognizing the culprit (picture below) is advised to contact officials at once.


January 4, 11:23 pm, Dennis - Police were called to investigate loud music, bright flashing colored lights and endless laughter coming from inside the Bay City Arboretum of Rather Atypical Vegetation. Upon arrival, police report hearing a voice from inside the arboretum yelling "When Uccie is away, the Pixies will play!" The Pixies spotted the police and easily made their getaway...leaving behind half-emptied bottles of rain juice. Police were able to identify one of the Pixies as Zyx Flux, Chief Gardener at the Bay City Arboretum of Rather Atypical Vegetation! No charges were filed... (Thanks to Rachel Seelowe for this report.)

January 6, 7:34 pm, Mashpee - A mime (who looked suspiciously like the current Miss Bay City) was reported crashing Espresso Night at The Pen on her unicycle. Surveillance cameras may or may not have a caught an off-duty police officer ignoring this serious infraction.

January 11, 2:03 pm, Barnstable - Officers responded to reports of loud noises coming from the parcel next to the Bay City Fire Dept. #2. Parcel was found to be completely empty, with the newly-constructed municipal pool gone. Garden Mole, chief engineer of the project, was not immediately available for comment.

January 18, 7:50 pm, Truro - Fire police were called to the scene of a six-car pile-up that ended that week's Bay City Rumble. Officers reported that the police chief from the Bay City Metro Department was one of those involved in the crash. No injuries were reported.

January 26, 12:45 pm, Dennis - A brief but significant snowfall blanketed the ground outside of the Bay City Arboretum of Rather Atypical Vegetation. The rest of Bay City was untouched by the storm.

January 27, 5:33 pm, Sandwich - Reports of a plane crash at the construction site of Club Sandwich. Fire trucks arrived too late to save a burning deli. The owner was overheard to say something about needing an insurance policy.

January 27, 7:04 pm, Argos - Sanitation workers at the Daley Bay substation reported a large reptile lurking outside of the Bay City Brewery. Citizens are asked to report any sightings of this creature, which caused a significant amount of damage to the trees on the Brewery site. “It's Something in the Water” indeed!

Special Note: Bay City residents are asked to report all suspicious activity in the city (including fires, dinosaurs and mimes) at once. The Bay City Police Department has been experiencing budget cuts (despite a reported new hire at the Metro Dept.) and from the look of their new “police cars”, this reporter is of the opinion that they can use all they help they can get!

*Wearable police car (and wearable jail cell) by Persey Garcia of Little Llama, available at {All The Little Things} Toddleedoo Collab - Open Feb 1st-14th, Didake Etsuko (205, 234, 21) - General


December 1, 12:34 pm – Daley Bay – Fire police responded to a crash between a visiting dignitary and a Bay City trolley. Dignitary offered to bribe the first responders with waffles and was turned over to the Bay City police department.

December 2, 7:20 pm, Mashpee – Officers were called in to investigate indiscriminate wiggling during Espresso Night at The Pen. Cause was determined to be yet another visiting dignitary (see photo at left).

December 4, 9:48 pm, Argos – Two units responded to the Bay City Brewery after reports of a joy ride throughout the city in a strange pink vehicle. The Brewery was deserted. The only trace of the suspects were trails of rainbows and gold glitter leading down Rte. 66. 

December 6, 4:50 pm, North Channel – A Mr. Kenny Luckless reported being “fish-slapped” before the Bay City charity auction. Once it was determined that he had retaliated with his own fish, both offenders were counseled to put their fish away and concentrate on bidding. 

December 8, 10:34 pm, Dennis – Officers investigated reports of a large man in a red suit on the roof of the firehouse in Dennis. Roof was empty except for a cane leaning on the chimney.

December 9, 7:00 pm, Edgartown – The Bay City police department in Edgartown held a present give-away, with some fifty members of the community receiving gifts for the holidays.

Dec. 12, 3:03 pm, Dennis – Vandalism was reported in the lobby of the Bay City Post, with the picture of every reporter in the lobby being “enhanced” by red reindeer noses. 

December 21, 10:02 am, Dennis – Holiday presents were reported running away from the tree lot in Dennis. The photo at right, taken at the scene, also captured additional evidence of vandalism at the Bay City Post. Citizens were advised to be on alert for these increased acts of vandalism on our fair City, and to watch out for presents with large feet.

December 23, 2014, 11:55 pm, Dennis – 
A fire broke out at the newly-constructed Metropolitan Police station. The BCFD #2, fortuitously located across the street, successfully put out the fire in the as yet unfurnished station. The chief of the Metro department was advised to go next door for an insurance policy, and not to listen to fire department gossip about local ghosts. 

December 24, 2014, 11:43 pm, Sandwich – The fire and police departments responded late Christmas eve to reports of a bombing at the Toxic Taco. Jingling and maniacal laughter was heard through the smoke overhead.

December 25, 7:14 pm, North Channel –Officers responded to disturbing reports of a sabotage of Bay City’s Prim Drop. Unable to cut the chains which had been wound around the prim, a call was put out to “additional resources”, and the Prim Drop ceremony was saved, just in time. Happy 2015 Bay City!


October 2, 8:34 pm, Harwich – A Mr. Rawshak called in to complain that a large yellow bird screaming “WAH!” had shoved him into a canal during the Bay City Rumble. Rumble participants reported that the bird dove into the canal following the incident and is still at large. Citizens are warned to be on the lookout, and to not, under any circumstances, feed the bird after midnight.

October 8, 4:50 pm, Barnstable – Dispatch received several complaints about citizens falling under the sidewalk near the unfinished public pool in Barnstable. An official notice was posted at the construction site warning of the dangers of trespassing.

October 13, 3:33 pm, Dennis – Officers responded to reports of a DC3 colliding with the Bay City Post building, bouncing off, falling into the canal and being run over by the water trolley. The plane then caught fire. Plane operator escaped the wreckage unharmed, and was heard muttering about buildings being heavily insured.

October 20, 8:17 pm, Dennis – A Ms. Kyrie reported a large, cupcake-eating spider in the newsroom of the Bay City Post. Officers responding found the cupcakes untouched, but the spider rampaging freely over the news desks.  Building owner was informed of the infestation and officers escaped left without incident.

October 25, 11:59 pm, Falmouth – A citizen was found wandering outside the Falmouth Hotel, wearing blood-stained, ripped clothing and singing “The Teddy Bear’s Picnic” loudly and off-key. After he attempted to assault officers with a Falmouth Cuddly, he was remanded to the custody of the Asylum. 

October 31, 9:11 pm, Moloch – An ambulance was called to the Eldritch Ironworks and Foundry where a trick-or-treater had passed out after drinking from a cauldron by the Foundry entrance. Medics arrived to find a flailing clockwork robot repeating “that is NOT punch!” Trick-or-Treater was listed in stable condition at Bay City General Hospital. 

November 3, 2:33 am, North Channel – Fire personnel responded to a large fire at the Halloween hay maze, but arrived too late to save a drowning witch. Wait, that’s Zappa…arrived too late to save the hay bales (or the spiders and other creatures inside the maze). Fire Chief was placed on suspension for sleeping through another suspicious fire. Arson is suspected, and investigations are ongoing. The only clue was a slightly singed waffle…


September 2, 6:05 pm, Mashpee – Espresso Night at The Pen was almost interrupted by a mime protest outside, but no one in attendance heard a disturbance. 

September 3, 9:48 pm, Morton – Arson was reported on a law enforcement patrol car. Fire department able to salvage the car; investigations are ongoing. Firefighters also discovered a Bay City Post box on fire at a nearby corporation, but were unable to extinguish the flames.

September 8, 4:50 pm, Handa – Officers investigated a report of underage bowling at Hot Balls. Bowling alley was deserted. The only unusual thing found was an open bottle of Bay City root beer.

September 15, Docklands – Construction workers at the future site of the Inspired Creativity Gallery reporting seeing pink and green grief in the air nearby. Investigations revealed it to be the remnants of an enthusiastic St. Torley Day celebration.

September 20, 10:02 am, Argos – Transport police received complaints of a pile of syrup-laden waffles left by a passenger on the new water trolley in Argos. Reports indicated that it was a sticky situation.

September 25, 7:14 pm, Hau Koda – Dispatch received numerous reports of “UFO” sightings over Hau Koda, traveling in the direction of Ahern. Residents were reassured that all suspicious conditions would be promptly investigated.

September 28, 12:40 pm, Dennis – Various Bay City citizens called in to report sightings of explosions over Etv. Dispatcher noted that most callers sounded nostalgic rather than alarmed.

September 29, 2:33 am, Sandwich – Police and fire personnel responded to reports of a crash and gas explosion at the Toxic Taco. Neighboring businesses complained of finding shredded lettuce, diced tomatoes, ground beef and cheese on their sites for days.


August 2, 1:24 pm, Dennis – Several reports of mole-like activity and two unconfirmed mole sightings at the old Molexandria location. Officers responding to the scene found no moles, but did see wet footprints leading away from the construction site.

August 9, 1:15 pm, Rollers – The Bay City Library called in to report that every book on the suspense shelves had been turned around with spines to the wall, so that no one could see which book was which. Officers declare case “a mystery.”

August 12, 8:02 am, Mashpee – Strange smells reported coming from Primtastic Creations. Officers asked owner asked to unlock a back room, where they discovered 717 flash drives, 96 mallets, 12,806 sloppy joe sandwiches, 901 telephone poles and a baby Kracken...which hasn't been released yet.

August 20, 7:55 pm, Weston – Fire department responded to a report that the Bay City Brewery blimp was flying over Hairy Hippo Fun Land with the control compartment on fire.  After realizing that the fire chief was in the compartment, the fire crew waved and grabbed a case of Brew to bring back to the firehouse, muttering about the lack of “real” activity in Bay City lately.

August 23, 4:31 pm, Rollers - Report of suspicious noises coming from the apartment above the new “Art Apparel” store. Investigations determined it was the owner singing “Dream On” very loudly in the shower.

August 27, 7:05 pm, North Channel – Police responded to reports of an unclothed man jumping into the canal during the Hot Bay City Nights car wash. Man stated “It was a hot Bay City night!” and was advised to dress. Police remained at the scene to get their cars washed.

August 29, 2:47 am, Argos – Police responded to a single vehicle crash at the Bay City Brewery. Driver uninjured, but became verbally abusive to officers, speaking in strange tongues and yelling something about “supreme rulers”. Driver taken to the police station in Edgartown for questioning.

August 30, 6:13 pm, North Channel – The Miss Bay City contest was briefly interrupted by a sombrero-wearing man dancing in the air above the stage. Police, already on the scene, handled things promptly and peacefully and directed him to the local taco joint. Uccello Poultry was named the 2014 Miss Bay City.


March 3, 2:29 am, Argos – Report of a bad slip at the Bay City Brewery. Investigations uncover that it was the result of a banana peel, rather than Freud.

March 8, 3:07 pm, Weston – Concern about overfishing for mermoles reported. Bay City Department of Fisheries is contacted; Fishery department office discovered to be filled with old tires, stray bikini bottoms, and a tank full of mohawked mermen.

March 17, 5:06 pm, Harwich – Several reports of water in the canal suddenly turning green. All leads point to an “accident” at the Bay City Brewery.

March 19, 6:48 pm, Tisbury – A man was reported wandering around the abandoned lab, muttering something about “cotton swabs”. Released to staff at Channel Island.

March 23, 5:02 am, Rollers/Morton – Fire police respond to a three-car pileup in front of the Bayjou.  Cause is determined to be a rough sim crossing, despite suspicions of an avatar with an Irish last name.

March 27, 1:15 pm, Edgartown – New police station completed.

March 27, 3:02 am, Edgartown – New police station defaced with graffiti. Staff heard to comment, “well, it’s better than a fire…”

March 31, 4:31 pm, Imaginario – Street urchins busted for busking without a license.

April 1, 6:05 pm, Mashpee – The Festival of Ever is celebrated in conjunction with Espresso Night at The Pen. The Bay City fire department remains on full alert.


January 1, 3:20 pm, Dennis – Report of a fire at the Department of Motor Vehicles driving school. The close proximity of the Bay City Fire Department proved fortuitous.

January 8, 1:15 am, Mashpee – A woman who identified herself as “Janet” was seen loitering outside of Primtastic Creations, peering into the store window with flowers in her hand. She refused to give a last name, but left peacefully.

January 13, 3:13 pm, Bourne – Reports of “strange, floating lights” outside of the gate to the Falmouth hotel. Investigators found two unknown women with bright facelights hovering above the road. Both women were away. 

January 15, 7:50 pm, Mashpee – An anonymous person called to complain that the restroom at The Pen is always locked, and expressed worry at “what might be hidden in there.” The owner could not be reached for comment; the message on her answering machine simply stated “away at camp”.

January 23, 5:02 am, Falconmoon – Police responded to complaints that an elephant had wandered into the Bay City Trailer Park and knocked over three snowmen. Elephant followed officers back across the street to the Krishna Temple, tempted by the promise of peanuts.

January 28, 10:42 pm, Sandwich – The night manager at the Bay City Transport headquarters reported a taxi van stolen from in front of the gas pump. Police are seeking witnesses.

February 1, 8:50 pm, Edgartown – Reports of mime activity on the construction site of the new police station. Mime appeared agitated but was subdued with cupcakes. Residents are asked to report any suspicious mime activity at once.
Reporter Kinnaird Fiachra
repost 190325
original 150401

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